KU Med

It's been a few days since I've written...and any nerves you feel in the waiting, be assured are giving you just a glimpse into ours.  I don't have much to say.  We are in a waiting period.  You rush and you wait.  I pushed for the next appointment with an oncologist here, only to dread the meeting. 

We were able to get a late meeting this afternoon.  The patient advocate (she has a different title) was refreshing.  I had to start at square 1 with her, which isn't fun.  But she listened and promised she would treat it like her baby.  I described him-- "6'2, 200some pounds :), and he could pick up your washing machine right now!"  Originally scheduled for Wednesday, I said "not soon enough".  She called back with today's Monday appointment.  She was a bit of light in darkness. 

People have asked my mom if I'm really as good as I sound.  Sometimes.  And yes.  The answer is complicated.  This period of unknown brings a lot of questions and fear.  We feel it all at the 10th decibel!  When your little kids are having bad dreams and your big kids have questions you can't answer...you fight to put the armor on for this fight EVERY DAY.  Some days a text message- someone promising to fight with us-is enough to put one foot in front of the other. 

We trust that God is at work even when we cannot see Him. That's what faith is after all-being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we cannot see.  There's very few things I am certain of right now.  That God still sits on the throne is one of them. 

I chewed on Psalm 62 today.  

5-6 says:

For God alone, O my soul, wait in silence,

for my hope is from him.

He only is my rock and my salvation,

my fortress; I shall not be shaken.

On God rests my salvation and my glory,

my mighty rock, my refuge is God.

I am hiding in that refuge today.  In silence, waiting.