Both-ness. The both-ness of God. The both-ness of grief. In my head, I have made this word up. But it's quite possible I'm not the first person to try to coin it.
I had already spoken on Matthew 11 to our team on a small mission trip that morning. Specifically, the 'take my yoke' part of the ever famous 'my yoke is easy and my burden is light' passage. That morning with our team left something to be desired, in my opinion. So a few hours before I was to give the same message again--to our team again but also the men and the staff and volunteers at the mission--I went away to a quiet spot by myself. And like God often does, he demolished my talk and rewrote it. As I was walking back, trying to hash out what God had said, a friend stopped me and I tried to explain--"I think God showed me His both-ness".
In Matthew 11:28-30, Jesus tells them to come to Him and He will give them rest. We like that rest part! 'He makes me lie down in green pastures'. Yes! I so badly want to lie down! But God showed me in his re-write editing time with me that the very next sentence, just on the other side of the period from rest, was Take My Yoke. No filler words to separate. Right there. Rest. And guidance. Rest. And discipline. Rest. And direction. Direction with a tug---where He goes, I go. I mean, the reality is, it looks like a headlock, right? It doesn't look cozy. Just on the other side of rest.
And He is both. Not even one sometimes and another in another circumstance. Or a different day. But in the both-ness of this All Powerful God, He is rest and direction simultaneously. He is rest and guidance AT THE VERY SAME TIME. It is restful that He guides me. It is restful that He ought to be who I am in the yoke with, not myself!
His both-ness is overwhelming sometimes. Human yet divine. The sacrifice yet risen. Freedom yet yielded to Him. It allows me to feel both-ness too. Sad and hopeful. Missing and loving. Strong and scared. Because He is both, and I am made in His image, sometimes I am both too.
This Easter, so many feelings of both-ness flooded. We buried Scott on good Friday a year before. But I got to see the resurrection power of Jesus in so many lives in Mississippi just before Easter this year. Both-ness. I think Solomon understood it in Ecclesiastes 3. A time for everything, sometimes together. But I want to make sure I keep fighting for the both. To mourn and dance. To plant and pull up. To be silent when it's time and to speak when He says. I see His both-ness in my kids and our lives. I see them fighting to believe when they doubt and laugh when they're also sad. I watch them love people when they want to pout and serve when they want to be seen. God's both-ness--His power and mysteries and invisible qualities are here and alive and moving.
Where have you seen God's both-ness? Do you lean in to the rest and the yoke, or just want the good and not the hard from Him? It's a hard question... some of us feel like we've gotten plenty of difficult and would like a reprieve. But I'll tell you....His nearness and intimacy in the dark and muddy is rich and filling. I know His grace and sustenance carries me when I feel broken and wanting. If you don't know Him-or want to understand--let's get coffee. I want to help you see Him!
