It's advent season--the season of the anticipation of expectation of the coming of Christ. There's a few different versions and some including more chocolate than Jesus, but our church began with Scott speaking on hope. The cancer patient speaking on hope....during a pandemic. Honestly, it wasn't hard to brainstorm how to talk about our hope in Christ--our confident expectation that he will be who He says He is and do what He says He will. We believe it! Our hope isn't in whether or not God heals Scott or what the outcome is. Our hope is in the reality that Jesus is all He says and we get to know Him, to live in His Kingdom now and forever.
But I gotta say, the warfare that began before this sermon and since, has been intense. If you don't believe in spiritual warfare, we should get coffee! Because we know there is a big, active personal God. But there is also an enemy. Having hope in the big picture doesn't make us not have feelings or keep us from being human. And it certainly doesn't keep us from spiritual battle. In fact, I might argue that the more we hope and bring God glory, the more the enemy wants to tear down. Spiritual warfare comes at me differently than it may come at Scott. For me, it acts like pictures and words spoken that flash across my mind like those children's toys from the 80's--the View Master. Remember those? It's like people's sad facial expressions, words of discouragement, medical terms and my attempt at understanding click-click through my mind like that toy. Either way, as it came at Scott, it came at me. When he felt down, I found it harder and harder to cheerlead. Symptoms, new and old, cause questioning if this is due to chemo or cancer growth. Are things moving backwards? And now the snowball is rolling. We begin to hear the enemy whisper "You're alone. You've been abandoned. You're foolish to believe."
Friday night, we knew we had hit a wall. There are moments when you're just flat angry. Cancer has stolen so much. And then you've got fights with your insurance company. You're exhausted trying to hold not only yourself together, but trying to worry about those around you. You're worn out fighting to believe boldly and keep fear at bay and you can almost feel your neck straining to keep above the water. We were leaving town with our family and we just cried.
I reached out to only a few friends asking them to pray that at a minimum, Scott could get enough relief to enjoy Saturday with our people. We woke up Saturday morning and he already felt better physically. Thank you God! Then we went to Silver Dollar City and God began to speak in the most amazing ways.
It started with one facebook message. This friend is from 20 years ago and has now twice sent the most timely, discerning message. She sent a piece of Psalm 44 with a brief note that she wanted to share the hope it had brought her.
"It was not by their sword that they won the land, nor did their arm bring them victory; it was your right hand, your arm, and the light of your face for you loved them. You are my King and my God, who decrees victories for Jacob. Though we push back our enemies; through your name we trample our foes. I put no trust in my bow, my sword does not bring me victory; but you give us victory over our enemies, you put our adversaries to shame. In God we make our boast all day long, and we will praise your name forever. " Psalm 44:3-8 NIV (emphasis added)
I was instantly teary eyed. Unfortunately, I'm also enough cynical to not want to take things at face value and argued with myself- 'Cancer isn't an enemy and that's not what this passage is talking about!' Instantly, God reminded me that the enemy we were fighting this past week was Satan! He had sent us spiraling. But my weapons, my words and attempts to punch him in the face are not what will beat him! My God beats him! He has and does and will again! He wins the whole shebang and He will beat him for me today! It was so perfect, I was overwhelmed with emotion and shared it with Scott.
A few hours later, we both received a text from a friend telling us how she had been praying. She began before Scott preached the Sunday prior, but the Holy Spirit wouldn't let her stop after the sermon. She continued praying for what? For us to be able to take captive thoughts that were not obedient to Christ! It was like she knew the specific struggle of the week. That's how cool the Spirit is!
And then a simple text-sent to Scott-stating that the Father wouldn't let him quit thinking about Scott and his family. So simple. Yet divine.
3 different times, God came near to us. He used His Word and His people to speak directly to our hearts and our circumstance. Not change it completely but tell us that He loves us and is intimately acquainted. And that we aren't forgotten. By Him or others. It gave us the push and strength to walk the coming few days before our appointment on Tuesday. It helped us fight against the enemy with more umph and truth!
Tomorrow, we hear about the last scan. We saw scans after Round 2 and now again after Round 4. It should give us some direction for what is next. More chemo? We've been asking not. Radiation? I've been asking God to eradicate the spots. For Him to do a work that can only be explained by Him! And we will give Him the glory! Like the end of that Psalm 44 passage--we will boast in Him all day long! But until we hear, we know He is close to us. We know He isn't sleeping or hands off. We are hanging onto Him tightly, confidently expecting Him to be what only He can be----God.
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