End of 2020

It's the last day of 2020 and it feels like I have so much to say and nothing to say at all.  I could say it's been the worst year of my life and I could say I've seen some of the best things in my life.  It's very weird.  

Sometimes it's difficult to find the words to update or the want-to.  Not for any particular reason.  But I also don't want to overlook and not give time to the things and people that have gone above and beyond in this hard season for us. The gifts we have received in the last month alone have been overwhelming.  Meaningful gifts.  Large fruit baskets because a neighbor hears we're trying to eat pretty healthy.  A homemade bottle of mustard seeds reminding us to have faith like Scripture says and that with God, nothing is impossible.   Cookie deliveries, meals even when we're not on a list anymore, and so much more!  And then friends who have a culdesac party, full of strobe lights and a live Santa to show us Christmas love!  I can't bring myself to take down that Christmas tree with the personal, signed, and thought-through ornaments.  The gift cards and monetary gifts that came that night and since....'thank you' doesn't even sound like the right words.  That people think of us, remember us, in a busy and often emotional season for others brings tears to our eyes often.  We have literally felt lifted and strengthened when we get a text message on days when we weren't soliciting prayers, but silently needed them.  These gifts are beyond what we could have imagined.  

Ending 2020 doesn't end our cancer journey.  I sure wish it did!  Today, Scott wrapped up his last day of 10 radiation treatments on a spot near his lung.  It was the spot that needed the most attention at this time and should be blasted.  Monday, he has a procedure to remove more fluid near that area which we did in October. There was always more fluid that may need removed and Scott actually looks forward to this relief.   We have no more treatments for now and we will have another look at things in February.  This is a time of recovery for Scott's body and a period of wait.  And really, we are waiting on the Lord alone.  We ask with faith and boldness, knowing that God alone can make healthy cells and kill the bad ones.  Please join us as we continue to ask God to stop cancer growth, even if it makes no sense.  We ask for God to show off and do what only He can! We ask for wisdom and discernment in our steps.

Scott has great days and feels almost normal.  And he has hard days where he feels fatigued, is confused by the response his body has to treatment, and feels discouraged.  We ride the roller coaster of many emotions and long for "normal".  But I will say, while our flesh is often unstable and feels a lot of things, our souls are firm.  Our guts stand firm on our God.  Even in anger and frustration, Scott is pressing on, trusting that "through endurance and through the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope" (Romans 15:5) .  Scott is the picture of endurance.  He is a fighter!  On his worst day, I will find him sweating on the treadmill.  He is never curled up in a ball quitting.  He is working and meeting with people and praying and fighting. And while we can't tell you what our 5 year goals are right now, or even 3 months, fighting and trusting is what we will continue to do.  

We are grateful for so many things in 2020!  This season has had a sweetness that I can't even explain.   I am more proud of our kids than I ever have been.  I am crazy about my husband.  We are thankful for little things in the every day.  Even boring days, like New Year's Eve where we might barely make it til 10pm.  We have celebrated more and loved deeply.   We've heard grown men say things they should have said years ago.  Friendships have deepened.  Our faiths have grown and we have had more intentional conversations in every environment we are in.  So much to be thankful for!