Rejoicing today!

This is the day that the Lord has made, let us rejoice and be glad in it!

I AM GLAD!  So thrilled to get to tell you that in our very brief appointment this morning, we heard "the scans look good."  I asked her to repeat it and say things. look. good. again please! Every spot is responding and shrinking.  Whether it's chemo or diet or angel armies in there, we do not care!  We know the Lord is working!  We knew it before we walked in there because of many little signs and wonders that you'll have to ask us about in person!  For now, we rejoice in good scans!

Scott is celebrating alone in a chemo round 3 chair today.  I, on the other hand, am celebrating by telling everyone who might even care a little bit.  So rejoice with me or move along if you see me telling the Price Chopper cashier or any other stranger how great and kind my God is!

Thank you for all the prayers and tears of joy shared with us today!  Please don't stop, this is far from over!  This is just the beginning of God getting glory!  And glory He deserves!!

Stay in Today

Well, things change right?  Today, we thought we would be meeting with the oncologist to discuss the CT Scott had on Monday.  I tried hard not to get ahead of myself, but my mind started to plan for what he might say.  Is the cancer responding?  Maybe a miracle has already been happening!  I wanted to plan to celebrate... my humanity also wanted to prepare for harder news.  It's an emotional roller coaster looking ahead.

Instead, about 2:00 yesterday, Scott called leaving his primary care doctor and said that we needed to go to the ER; they thought he was in a-fib.  He came and got me and drove us to our 7 hour stay in KU's emergency room, which is nothing short of a movie scene!  His heart rate has been consistently high and stayed that way while we were there, in addition to a very elevated bp.  The ER docs got us in right away and began tests on his heart.  About 10:00 we were moved into a room to stay overnight.  Instead of our awaited appointment and round 3 of chemo today, we woke to an echocardiogram, an ultrasound of the heart, and many teams of doctors from cardiology to pulmonology to internal medicine. It's been a whirlwind.

I'll tell you, this morning, I wanted to stomp my feet a bit.  I was weary and sad and nervous and wanted today to be different!  But just because we aren't celebrating the cancer's response (we just don't know it yet and will reschedule), I'm reminded that we can celebrate right now.  I have to learn time and time again apparently to stay in today.  Celebrate today.  Hope for today.  My plans are just that--mine-- and God has said over and over to stand.  That He is fighting.  That He holds the future.  Him.

So today, we choose to celebrate today!

• There is nothing wrong with Scott's heart!  Absolutely nothing.  In fact, it wasn't really in a-fib after all and his heart function is excellent!
• Being in the ER highlighted some fluid on or near one of his lungs which could be the cause of his elevated heart rate and some other mild discomfort.  We didn't know about this fluid, although it apparently has been on other scans.  Without his pcp doing an EKG and sending him to the ER, we still would not know. 
• We saw numerous doctors and groups in a 24 hour time and almost everyone asked how we really were, stopped and listened, and thoroughly evaluated Scott like he mattered! They have tested and tested everything! We are so grateful!
• People's specific prayers have been answered today regarding our care, the doctors, Scott's bp and heart rate and much more! 

Now, we sit in the hospital still to have the fluid near his lung drained.  We may even be able to go home today and sleep in our own bed!  Another reason to celebrate! 

Just Enough

I must be due for an update.  I know when I start getting questions all at once.  And not that I avoid talking about things... but sometimes when normalcy kind of creeps in, I want to lay down and roll around in it.  So I've kind of been doing that for a few days.

We are in the 3rd week of the 2nd round of chemo.  Each round is 3 weeks long and having one under our belt was helpful, but not exactly a duplicate of the next. There were more days in this last week where we could pretend to not have cancer and be normal that I've almost been holding my breath for this week.  You don't even realize the pressure...until at one point this week, I consciously quit worrying about something kid related and didn't feel relief.  I told Scott it was like someone took a grape off the pile I'm carrying and in that moment, I remembered abruptly that I am carrying a load---fears, concerns, trying to decipher what I can and can't control.... and although my faith is in the Lord and He ultimately holds it all together, I am human.

We know we are super fortunate with how these chemo weeks have gone.  Scott doesn't feel overly nauseated and has relatively few days of terrible.  We have a few concerning symptoms that we are trying to understand and manage--and if we've learned anything, it's that we have to advocate for ourselves and figure some of this out.  But we also celebrate the good days.  We are so grateful he was able to travel out of town this weekend to watch one of our kids play soccer!  He is a tough guy for sure, and we are just blessed by how His body is handling this. We haven't had as many deep, aha moments.  But instead, the encouragement and text messages trickle in at the perfect time. People still aren't forgetting us which is staggering to me.  The Lord continues to provide just enough--with people's timely words for us, unexpected visits, meals.  He knows just what we need and we see His provision daily.

This week, Monday Scott has a COVID-19 test and CT and Wednesday we will meet to discuss what they saw.  He is scheduled for Round 3 of chemo as well, although this really hasn't been discussed with the Dr. This is the week for prayer warriors!  Not that God works in our time at all...but our minds do!  We will see if and how the cancer is responding!  We will be making decisions about continued and next steps.  Please pray that we will hear from God very specifically.  We want to do what He wants and live out our part obediently.  That balance is interesting sometimes.