We are wrapping up the last week of the chemo round and it is safe to say, it has had its ups and downs. We think we learned the rhythm of these 3 weeks and are grateful to have ended on a high note--some very "normal" days where you could almost forget about cancer. Almost.
I like to watch shows and series right now that are nothing like my life. So naturally, a recent favorite was about a female drug lord from Mexico. When they would go to fight another cartel, they would meet up in some warehouse and line up all their weapons, making sure they had all the ammo and people they needed to win this fight. Maybe not spiritual, but I have likened our week to that. We are consciously laying out our weapons, making sure we have the ammo. Gearing up for the next fight. I've been super grateful for laughter and a 3 mile walk with my husband-that I might have taken for granted previously.
What's a shame...or human I suppose...is that on these "normal" days, you don't rely as heavily on Scripture and what God says like you did on the hardest, most confusing days. I should own it--I found myself not relying on Scripture the same way. I sat down one morning, forcing myself to slow down, and re-read some of the passages God has spoken so clearly through for us--Psalm 77, Proverbs 3, Exodus 14.
Re-reading Exodus 14 even now....I see myself in them. Right after the Red Sea parts--like right after--they're grumbling and wondering if or how God's going to provide. Exodus 16 spoke to my heart--God was only going to give them a day's portion. Just enough. And that's where I need to be. Right in the kind of dependence where I have enough for today. I can't see what's coming anyway! Nothing forces dependence like cancer. But even on the days that come with a bit less fear and anxiety, I want to still be standing firmly on the God who provides the good, who provides the joy, who I am still dependent on, even when it feels secure on my own. All is from Him and in Him all things hold together (Colossians 1). This is me preparing the ammo, readying for battle.
Thursday Scott starts his second round of chemo. While we aren't excited about what is to come, there is a bit of relief in at least kind of knowing what to expect. We are still praying that whether through chemo, or His own creative means, that God is wiping this cancer from Scott's body. Cruz, our 6 year old, has been praying on the way to school "Thank you for healing me dad". The first time he said it, it caught me off guard. 'Man, buddy, I hope you know something I don't yet!' But after he said it a few more times, I realized we should be thanking God for what He's doing even when we can't see it all the time. God is at work here. We feel it. Pray with us! Wear red Thursday again if you'd like. We will be wearing red-still standing on God's words and His promises to us. Grateful that the blood of Lamb conquered sin and death and can conquer this too, however He chooses.
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