Change of plans

 A practical update of sorts--Scott is not going to be starting drug therapy tomorrow as planned.  The Monday before last when we met with the oncologist, the plans for this week were made, still contingent on the results of a molecular breakdown from the last biopsy.  We were assured that those results would be back before the day of scheduled treatment--so that if we were given a more targeted drug approach, we would get that started instead of chemo.  As of today, those results were still not in so we suppose that it was assumed we would just start the 7 hour infusion of general chemo tomorrow. 

That just didn't sit well.  We have waited 4 additional weeks because the importance of the molecular breakdown had been emphasized.  And I could get into the nitty gritty of what these few days of waiting looks like for us.....of the warfare that comes, the confusion and fight to try to push for answers or just show up to the infusions without asking a question.  But this is a blog, not a therapy session. There's a strange tightrope we walk between taking action, advocating and fighting with the healthcare community and for Scott.....and just trusting because we know God is ultimately in charge here. 

Today, Scott decided to just trust.  He felt strongly that God had been in conversations recently about waiting for the molecular breakdown.  So as today went on, he felt like moving toward chemo tomorrow and "burning the house down" so to speak was premature.  We agonize over these decisions sometimes...but we called on some of our army to pray as we struggled.  And I believe Scott's peace he has in deciding to wait for the molecular breakdown before starting treatment is both the peace that comes from listening to the Lord and from many holding up our arms.   There's a whole lot of other jumbled up thoughts and emotions wrapped up in there...but that's basically it.  We are scheduled for treatment now September 2nd and expect to have the molecular breakdown before that. 

My mom shared a verse with me today, as she was squaring me up in a hard moment.  Romans 15:13 says: 

"May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, so that by the power of the Holy Spirit you may abound in hope."  

It's super meaty.  Fill you--in believing--power of the Holy Spirit, abound in hope.  In a margin of my Bible there, I have written hope: confident trust; expectation.  We do not know what God will do.  We don't know if we will be privy to the reason or purpose for all this waiting.  But we confidently trust with expectation that our God is up to something.  The Enemy scares us into believing that God doesn't have our best interest-that He's forgotten us-that He isn't active.  But we are waiting with expectation to be filled up in believing--while believing with all our weight-that God is here with us! That we are not forgotten.  And I am so grateful for today where Scott heard from the Lord and feels confident in that-even if it just gets us through to one more day.  

This is hard.  We have some raw, vulnerable moments that aren't pretty.  But today I pictured the people who were praying for us, just those praying today even, gathered in our backyard and I was so humbled, it choked me up.  We are very blessed and extremely covered.  Please don't stop.