Sunday, March 24, 2013

Who am I?

Sometimes parenting seems like a Science that even if I had taken a lot more science classes, I would still be such an amateur at!  I've said before that we do a lot of 'live and learn'.  We learned quickly that not doing homework right after school turned into an evening nightmare.  So Day 2, we changed the routine and now we're good.  
But sitting in the car after physical therapy with a teenager that is really unhappy with their selected treatment.....isn't quite as easy as perfecting our routine.  I mean, how do I know what is best for a 15 year old in this situation?  I'm not a Doctor or a Physical Therapist.  Or even a mom who has been here before. So as he tears up, I find myself arguing the Doctor's case.  They're PT's recommended by the best of the best in Kansas City, blah blah.  I blindly trust them.  But he doesn't.  And I get that.  So over the days, I too start to question....How do I know what's best?  Who am I?  

Then a day later, we have a minor lost-in-translation moment that makes all 5 kids look at me like I had betrayed them.  You want to shout "I have told you every day this week what was going to be happening!! "  It's as simple as You are and We are.  Or Before and After.   One word can make you feel like a parenting failure!  And those faces are horrendous! 

I don't really have a nice, pretty bow to tie up these situations with.  I still don't know what to do about PT or if my son is going to hate me until he is 30.  And we will still have lost in translation moments. I feel like we try to communicate so well, so specifically.  But we will still have them.  So we just keep walking.  And fortunately, we recover quickly.  We laugh with and at each other.  We enjoy lazy Saturdays and now a snowed in Sunday.  And we learn the dance of communicating with each other.  And parenting 7 very different kids.  Who am I is the best question I can ask.  Because it isn't about me.  And if I don't pray that God would love on, teach, direct, comfort, and speak to my kids, then that's the biggest failure I can make.  Because I am not enough for them.  I do not know all the answers.  But our God knows what He's doing.  Phew!  Good thing!  'Cause sometimes I don't have a clue! 

"For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works so that no one can boast."
Ephesians 2:8-9

I'm so grateful...for the gift for me and for my kids.  Ultimately, I have to lead them to Him.  The rest is His to deal with.  

2 comments:

  1. Saw ur story on people, my husband also adopted 5 siblings, 2 years ago frm Colombia. Loved hearing your journey thus far. Here is our blog, nice to have contact with those going through a similar journey: www.matthewsadoption.blogspot.com My husband is a youth pastor and in seminary, one year til his mdiv! God bless!

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  2. And this is why you will succeed, Lauren. Because you recognize it is not ultimately up to you. Parenting by death, it might be called. I love your courage, your humor, and your obedient heart. I look forward to talking to you soon!

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