I didn't get a ton of questions or comments to the post regarding our process and the questions it creates. But I got enough that I feel a responsibility to answer. I'll answer them separately so today is Question 1:
How did we know we were doing the right thing when the door kept getting closed at the beginning?
For us, we are big about discernment. We are careful not to make big decisions without pretty clear discernment. And are super careful not to call something what "God said" unless we're are pretty stinkin' sure He said it.
That being said, I felt called to our 5 kids before my husband did. If you've read the history posts, I don't want to bore anyone. But I was pretty wrecked after a trip to Guatemala and had a burning desire to do something substantial. Over time, I started talking about our kids and felt more and more at peace.
My husband on the other hand had more of an "intercom" moment with God. Logan and I were already on board when God told Scott to quit worrying about the kids. "I didn't ask you about the kids, I asked if you were willing". And we were.
Over the year and a half process, we hit many roadblocks. We were told no early on while we were still very zealous. So at that point, you fight because you have fresh energy to do so. You know that God asked us to defend the cause of the fatherless and we were going to do that until God said otherwise. By the last no, the unexpected, most heartbreaking one.....we were fighting for our kids. Because we were fighting rules and authorities that were required to have rules and ridiculous procedures. Sometimes someone would present a next step for Scott and I to try. Sometimes, our agency or attorneys would just start the next step on their own.
More than all of that though, we were standing on what God had said. Much like a comment from Mandy Feichner said, it wasn't God closing the doors. And each time we hit a block, we took a few steps back (after crying and grieving, don't get me wrong) and asked God what He was doing and what He wanted from us. And each time, we kept walking even when it felt like in mud. With boots up to our thighs. Uphill. We kept walking.
For us, it was never really a no. It was just a crazy process. For others, it may not look like ours. But God is still the same. When it's yes or when it's no. When it's so different than we would have designed. And in the craziest moments, THAT is what I had to stand on. With all my weight.
I was told about your site by a friend on yesterday, and I spent the afternoon pouring through your posts. I laughed! I cried! Mostly, I identified. My family is the process of adoption, and although I anticipate that our process will be a little quicker and easier than yours, the journey to the decision was much the same as yours. Thank you for sharing your journey and I am so glad to know that you all are well.
ReplyDeleteI totally get this one. Pursuing our son's adoption for the SECOND time sure did take a lot of discernment and a whole lot more faith than I knew I had. But when you know you heard Him, that's what keeps you going, even when everyone around you is either screaming at you to stop the ignorance or they are mumbling it under their breath all the same. You follow the voice of God, and that's all you do.
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