I've started writing a second love story post approximately 3000 times in my mind. So many things I want to tell you.
So many great details and important parts of the story happened before he quit dismissing me. Some many years before. I feared I made him sound like a bigger jerk than he was, all the time. We had many a moment with sparks that we walked away from. One was in a gym at a basketball game when he was telling me he doesn't get starry eyed about anyone and I told him to get a mirror. I had a strange confidence some days, that I knew he saw it too.
When he pulled into my driveway one night, maybe to fix something at my house, I knew it was him just by the headlights. This was a famous night when we talked about all the chatter about these 2 people with chemistry and that he wasn't the fairy tale for me. I told him he didn't get to tell me what my fairy tale was. Him being married before or having a kid and not a white picket fence was not my fairy tale deal breaker. I told him the fairy tale for me was knowing, in any circumstance, room full of people and we aren't joined at the hip, that that guy picked me. He would later use those words to propose...because he listened all those years before. He was an excellent listener.
One of our favorite years of student ministry, church camp ended with a ho down in a barn. Because where else does magic happen?!? Pearl snap shirts, jeans and cowboy boots, and teenagers everywhere. There was a final dance, boys in a circle, girls surrounding. As the music continued, the 2 circles rotated in opposite directions, like 2 clocks ticking. Your partner changed with each rotation. It got to me and Scott, face to face. I raised my arms to dance, just as the music stopped. Game over. He got close to my face and almost whispered "Must be a sign". And without skipping a beat, I scrunched my brow with ornery eyes and asked innocently "You were looking for one?" He laughed. Somewhat stunned. This might have been one of his favorite stories to tell our kids for the next 13 years. He liked my spice.
Sometime in the year, after that camp, and we weren't dating each other but anyone else either....I must have spoken the unspeakable because one of his sisters knew my head was spinning. She gave the advice to have a "walking away date". She knew my heart was somewhat held hostage by our friendship at this point and said that if something drastic hadn't changed by the date I choose, that I walk away. We clarified that it wasn't silly things like his hand brushed mine, but dramatic difference. This was early September, probably right before the moment with the Lord in my car when God told me to trust Him. I went home after that conversation and hung December 31st in a baggie in my shower. It was my official 'I'm Walking Away' date. If this crazy, chemistry-filled, friendship didn't change to something significant, I was going to walk away. I spent the next month or so praying that Scott would drive the ship, not me. I refused to run the show. And fortunately, I had seen how that had gotten about 120 women nowhere lol.
So from October 7th and no longer dismissing to October 21st kissing me for the first time, to December 24th telling me he loved me...things had certainly changed. Significantly. Needless to say, I never had to walk away. He never wanted me to get out on a limb by myself. He didn't want me out ahead, wondering how he felt and where we were going. And I didn't. Not only had my car moment with the Lord kept me confident in Him and not in Scott. But also Scott was so careful with me. Intentional with his words.
We only dated from October to March, got engaged in March and were married in May. But really it was like we dated for years. With no putting on of airs or trying too hard. He even told a mutual friend he would never date me at one point, which after wiping away my tears, made me 100% myself. With a tiny bit of protection of my heart because I knew this guy could really hurt me.
Fortunately, he never did. And while our marriage and story wasn't perfect, it was pretty stinking close. The fact that he loved and championed me so well has given me a strange confidence in my heartbreak. It's given me permission to laugh and be playful because he liked her. It's give me the gumption to try new things and have new ideas because he believed in her. He would get starry eyed when I was excited. It's crazy to me. I wish I had believed him when he said it when he was here. I believe him now. I believe he was often God's word to me. For me.
If you have a friend who has lost someone they love--a spouse, a child. Ask them about them. Let them tell the stories. Don't say nothing because you're afraid you'll say the wrong thing. Just ask. We want to talk about them.
