Flip Flops

In the busyness of our every day life, I had an idea that I waited too long to do in it's completion.  See, I wanted to do something special for our 19 year old before she goes to Jamaica on a mission trip (she leaves Sunday).  It didn't exactly happen so I will try to honor her this way instead.

In 2008, Scott and I went to Jamaica for our 2nd time.  By this time we were dating, ending our 27 years of friendship (slight exaggeration) and Logan went too.  One night, walking back from a visit with a local in Harmons, Jamaica, one of our friends noticed Logan was barefoot.  Which is a normal summer thing here...and probably in Harmons too.  But this time, it was a long walk, on dirty gravel down a road and our friend was positive Logan had gone with shoes.  When she asked Logan where they were, she replied that the girl they were visiting needed them more than she did.  She noticed hers were broken so Logan took hers off, then and there, and walked back barefoot without saying a word.

I bought Logan 10 or more pairs of flip flops to take with her to Jamaica this year.   Not only because there is always a need for shoes.  But to remind her of that day when she so clearly heard from God and responded.  It chokes me up this many years later.  What a strong 19 year old chica!  And a strong 14 year old she was then.   She is a confident girl, a great sister and friend, and our family would not be the same without her!

I intended to do something cute and creative with a pair for her to keep but....that's where I got busy.  Several pairs of flip flops are still making it to Jamaica so C'est la vie. :)  

My prayer for Logan is Psalm 17:5 --- My steps have held fast to your paths; my feet have not slipped. That she would hang on to God harder than anything or anyone else.  And that she would hear his voice every day just like she did that day in Harmons.  Then and only then will her feet not slip.  

Our church's team will be leaving for Jamaica Sunday morning and will build houses, work in a greenhouse, and love on a community every day for a week.  Please pray for them as well as Logan!

Day-by-Day Faith

I know Christians say and do stupid things sometimes.  I am one and I have been the guilty party.  But there is something supernatural (literally) about what happens when God's people hear from Him and respond, that is just unmatched.  This week we received an anonymous gift that immediately made me cry.  Good tears.  Overwhelmed, humbled tears.  Humbled that God saw our need and made it known to someone else.  Humbled that the someone else responded precisely and just in time.  And disappointed that I had even for a moment doubted or worried.  

I think I thought that the crazy faith journey somehow ended when we got home from Peru with all my kiddos safely tucked in.  But I'm thinking the Lord is not going to let Scott and I get very far from the day-by-day trusting Him.  Which duh, I guess.  That's what faith is.  But it's different than my former way of living a yo-yo: I'm in control, God's in control and repeat.  The problem is it is just so uncomfortable to be in the day to day trust.  It's just so against what I think I know, in my Lauren-ness.  I used to think I knew things.   (Some of you are nodding because you knew me in my most know-it-all days.  Give a girl room to grow! :)  I thought I knew how to fix things, problem solve, take care of myself.  Even though I was a follower of Christ, there were still things I could do myself.  But our life now, not even just that we adopted, is continually reminding me I know very little.  I don't know what God is going to ask of our family, how He will ask us to do ministry, and/or what that will look like for us.  The way my job works now, I literally have no idea when or if I will get to financially contribute to our family.  I know I'm not a "normal" girl but that matters to me.  So it's like surprise paychecks I suppose! :)  I don't know how to parent 7 uniquely different kids with different stories.  Sometimes I don't even know how to pray for them.  My reliance on God has never been so firm.  I find myself standing with all my weight on Him, sometimes because I don't know where else to stand.  And everything else looks like a lily pad in the raging ocean yet, He is solid.  

So here we stand.  God is so gracious to give us connection and moments that are so sweet: 

I walked outside this week to find Joel trying to teach Laney how to tie her shoes.  I'm not sure she's quite there yet but he tried. :)

And sometimes I find doodles like this one that just make you smile.  

The kids refuse to let me put on tennis shoes without jumping on bikes and wanting to walk with me.  Our oldest busts out random water balloon fights in her spare time. 

Right now, we watch a lot of soccer, eat a lot of meals together, and laugh every day.  Even if it's at each other.  :)  Being right in the center of day-by-day trust is the scariest, most exhilarating, awesome place I've ever been.  

Fútbol Has Begun

At right about three months home, like clockwork, the exciting newness was wearing off and my boys specifically started to struggle.  They're doing great in school and do everything we ask--homework, tutor, church, etc.  And without much complaint!  But you can tell there's a little bit of discomfort.  Unease finding their place.  My oldest Peruvian shows it the most in his face.  

More than just about anything, the boys talk about how hard it is to not be able to play soccer outside everyday.  We've had some great weather days...and some not-so-great days and the inconsistency is annoying!

So competitive soccer means a whole new kind of crazy!  But it's needed for their sanity.  They say "it's in their blood".  Not to mention it's good for my boys to run and get worn out and compete!  

The first game had quite the fan club!  In addition to the fact that our own family is a clan of groupies, we had my parents and friends come to cheer with us too!

 JHONNY

 SUPERFAN

So now I drive the minivan and am the literal soccer mom!  It's still tons of fun, even in just normal moments like now--helping with homework, rice in the cooker, and boys playing outside.  Spirits are lifting!  If you're praying for us, pray for my Peruvians to continue to feel at home here (and Peru of course), to make friends that help them be themselves, and that they would learn that the only person who can truly be the confidant and friend they need is Christ.  Pray for us to continue to ask God to teach us how to do family in this capacity.  And that God would have His way with us. 

Daffy and Her Sister

My three year old is into this family tree thing--who is that? What is her daughter's names? What are him's parent's names?  She is obsessed with my grandparents and their parents.  But last week, she kept talking about Daffy.  Daffy is a girl that we met in Peru when we met our kids for the first time.  Daffy isn't even close to her name by the way.  I'm not sure why Laney calls her that; her name doesn't even sound like Daffy!  But anyway....Daffy and her sister were around quite a bit in the few days we spent with our kids on their turf.  At soccer games, at the orphanage.  And I watched as Daffy and her sister asked our attorneys if they would find them a family too!  Heart wrenching.

I honestly have no idea why this week, Laney moved from family tree to Daffy.  (And now back to who is whose daughter, etc).  But I felt like God was helping to keep the girls in our minds.  My kids adore these kids.  One of my boys wants to make clear that a Sterling doesn't need to adopt them because well, then they would be his cousins and you can imagine why he wouldn't want that! :)

Acting on the prompting (and checking with our attorneys to see that the girls are interested, available, etc.), I thought I would tell you about them.  If you have an inkling of interest in more information, please email me at laurensterling9@gmail.com.  I don't use their real names here so as to not appear to exploit them in any way.  

Daffy and her sister are 2 beautiful girls that live in Peru in the same orphanage our kids grew up in.  They are 15 and 13 I believe.  The story we were told is that they were dropped off by parents that were separating.  The girls were convinced that someone would be returning for them soon.  Time passed and the parents separated and began separate lives.  No one returned.  It took the girls years to decide that their family was not coming back and that they wanted a family.  The story kind of reminds me of Annie, which we watch about 1000 times a week at our house.  Annie thinks her parents are returning with the other half of the locket.  Meanwhile, they actually pass away and no one tells her.  But then, Daddy Warbucks to the rescue!?  And who doesn't want to be Daddy Warbucks!?  

New Life

Easter has always been very special for us.  Pivotal to our faith, of course.  Plus, Scott and I got engaged very, very late on Easter Sunday in 2008.  New life for us began that day in so many ways.  So appropriate for Easter Sunday. Then Easter Sunday 2 years ago, Scott said "I'm willing" to moving forward on this crazy journey to 5 Peruvians.  So this Easter Sunday was pretty special.  New life.... and they live in my house!!!  Nuts!
So I'm not a fan of making every holiday about gifts and we certainly don't have cash growing on our trees...but Easter Sunday is special.  We talked about La Dia de la Resurreccion a lot beforehand.  Peru celebrates Holy Week in some capacity and our kids know about Jesus and the resurrection. But I'm not sure they understood why we make a big deal out of these days (like being out of school Good Friday) so it required a lot of conversation.
It was fun to give a small gift and let the kids try American Easter candy.  I bought things I don't even like, including Peeps, just so they would understand what their friends were talking about with Easter baskets, jelly beans, and cadbury eggs.

Then that evening, the kids had a fabulous surprise!  St. Mary's, a hospital in Blue Springs, contacted me a few weeks earlier and wanted to adopt our kiddos for Easter.  I tried to give a few different options for the kids of different $ values unsure of what they were wanting to do.  They did more than I could have imagined!
Each kid had a basket full of something specifically fun for them---fishing poles and tackle, itunes gift cards and an iHome, chess book, other books... I could go on and on!  Laney has been wearing her princess garb for days!  And to top it off, they received 3 bikes.  2 were specifically chosen for 2 of the kids and 1 that I'm sure we will all share!  They truly went above and beyond! We even received a family gift for all 9 of us to go to a Sporting KC game (which I'm super excited about because the boys have been :) AND an individual family got me a sweet gift.  We felt truly loved and blessed!

"And He who was sitting on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making all things new....Write this down for these things are trustworthy and true'. "

Revelation 21:5  

Who am I?

Sometimes parenting seems like a Science that even if I had taken a lot more science classes, I would still be such an amateur at!  I've said before that we do a lot of 'live and learn'.  We learned quickly that not doing homework right after school turned into an evening nightmare.  So Day 2, we changed the routine and now we're good.  

But sitting in the car after physical therapy with a teenager that is really unhappy with their selected treatment.....isn't quite as easy as perfecting our routine.  I mean, how do I know what is best for a 15 year old in this situation?  I'm not a Doctor or a Physical Therapist.  Or even a mom who has been here before. So as he tears up, I find myself arguing the Doctor's case.  They're PT's recommended by the best of the best in Kansas City, blah blah.  I blindly trust them.  But he doesn't.  And I get that.  So over the days, I too start to question....How do I know what's best?  Who am I?  

Then a day later, we have a minor lost-in-translation moment that makes all 5 kids look at me like I had betrayed them.  You want to shout "I have told you every day this week what was going to be happening!! "  It's as simple as You are and We are.  Or Before and After.   One word can make you feel like a parenting failure!  And those faces are horrendous! 

I don't really have a nice, pretty bow to tie up these situations with.  I still don't know what to do about PT or if my son is going to hate me until he is 30.  And we will still have lost in translation moments. I feel like we try to communicate so well, so specifically.  But we will still have them.  So we just keep walking.  And fortunately, we recover quickly.  We laugh with and at each other.  We enjoy lazy Saturdays and now a snowed in Sunday.  And we learn the dance of communicating with each other.  And parenting 7 very different kids.  Who am I is the best question I can ask.  Because it isn't about me.  And if I don't pray that God would love on, teach, direct, comfort, and speak to my kids, then that's the biggest failure I can make.  Because I am not enough for them.  I do not know all the answers.  But our God knows what He's doing.  Phew!  Good thing!  'Cause sometimes I don't have a clue! 

"For by grace you have been saved through faith.  And this is not your own doing; it is a gift of God, not a result of works so that no one can boast."

Ephesians 2:8-9

I'm so grateful...for the gift for me and for my kids.  Ultimately, I have to lead them to Him.  The rest is His to deal with.  

Answers Part 1

I didn't get a ton of questions or comments to the post regarding our process and the questions it creates.   But I got enough that I feel a responsibility to answer.  I'll answer them separately so today is Question 1:

How did we know we were doing the right thing when the door kept getting closed at the beginning?

For us, we are big about discernment.  We are careful not to make big decisions without pretty clear discernment.  And are super careful not to call something what "God said" unless we're are pretty stinkin' sure He said it.

That being said, I felt called to our 5 kids before my husband did.  If you've read the history posts, I don't want to bore anyone.  But I was pretty wrecked after a trip to Guatemala and had a burning desire to do something substantial.  Over time, I started talking about our kids and felt more and more at peace.

My husband on the other hand had more of an "intercom" moment with God.  Logan and I were already on board when God told Scott to quit worrying about the kids.  "I didn't ask you about the kids, I asked if you were willing".  And we were.

Over the year and a half process, we hit many roadblocks.  We were told no early on while we were still very zealous.  So at that point, you fight because you have fresh energy to do so.  You know that God asked us to defend the cause of the fatherless and we were going to do that until God said otherwise.  By the last no, the unexpected, most heartbreaking one.....we were fighting for our kids.  Because we were fighting rules and authorities that were required to have rules and ridiculous procedures.  Sometimes someone would present a next step for Scott and I to try.  Sometimes, our agency or attorneys would just start the next step on their own.  

More than all of that though, we were standing on what God had said.  Much like a comment from Mandy Feichner said, it wasn't God closing the doors.  And each time we hit a block, we took a few steps back (after crying and grieving, don't get me wrong) and asked God what He was doing and what He wanted from us.  And each time, we kept walking even when it felt like in mud.  With boots up to our thighs.  Uphill.  We kept walking.

For us, it was never really a no.  It was just a crazy process.  For others, it may not look like ours.  But God is still the same.  When it's yes or when it's no.  When it's so different than we would have designed.  And in the craziest moments, THAT is what I had to stand on.  With all my weight.  

Keepin' it in Perspective

Yesterday was not one of my favorite days on the planet.  I woke up and got 5 kids off to school.  Annnnd one very late college student up to go to work.  Just me and Laney and I heard a loud popping sound.  I tiptoed to the laundry room, half covering my face because I thought something might blow up.  How sad if my new dryer was about to explode!?!  Instead, I found water dripping from multiple points in the ceiling, loudly hitting the sink in the laundry room and water flowing down the wall in 2 places.  I'm not sure how long it had been doing this but long enough to bubble up the dry wall and warp the window frame.  I started to panic!  Turned water off and waited for the plumber.  Yikes!

Only $75 later and a drying wall that maybe doesn't need to be replaced, I feel somewhat better!  

But in the midst of the chaos, I started playing the movie forward.  How much it was going to cost to replace the wall and ceiling, how we don't have it right now, how I would much prefer to spend "extra" money (whatever that is) on painting my bedroom that has a stripped border and Kilz stripes decorating it now....etc.  All that does is give a person a migraine!  And it was somewhat unnecessary.  Plumbing is minor.  And didn't cost the fortune I had dreamed up in my mind.  Big picture, we are good.  I love the sound of lots going on.  Kids helping each other with homework.  One doing tricks with his bike outside.  Another helping her sister get her socks on without being asked.  I don't even hate homework time or getting dinner ready anymore.  We have found our groove.  And I'm sure we will have to find it again.  And again and again.  But for now, we are really good.  Scott and I still talk, even amidst 7 kids and 3 jobs. We laugh and still like each other. I have to keep that in perspective, so that next time something is dripping or not working, I don't lose my mind!  

(Do not worry today about tomorrow....each day has enough trouble of it's own! Matt. 6:34) 

Funny sidenote, last night, the kids were saying "Mom the toilet, the toilet!" and I'm like oh my gosh, again!?!  I run downstairs and am pointing to the bathroom trying to figure out what they're saying.  And they were saying "Mom, Twilight, Twilight....." They couldn't get the new movie to work in the DVD player!  Twilight--Toilet.  Same thing. Sheesh!!  Language barrier much??  Just a pronunciation thing! 

Many Questions

We have gotten some incredible opportunities.  Radio stations, tv, and the like have asked us great questions about how we got to our kids, etc.  We have so enjoyed the cool things God has done!  In the midst of our 15 minutes of fame, a lot of questions came out that didn't get asked directly to us.  Comments to news articles.  Questions to other people but not to us.  And some of them are just highly unintelligent.  So I don't want to address those.  None of you have hateful questions like that, I'm sure.  But I thought I should open up the discussion to some questions that are important.  If you are out there and have questions that are keeping you from being obedient to God in some way.  Or even just slowing the process of obedience up.  Let's have a comment discussion board about it.  I'll even give you some question suggestions and if one of your questions is listed here, I'll address it.  If you have others, I'll do my best to answer those too.  Any help from the seasoned adoptive community are welcome! 

How did we know we were doing the right thing when the door kept getting closed at the beginning?

How do we feel our decision to adopt affects our biological kids?  

Did we discuss it with them?

Is it fair to them?

How do you pay for an international adoption?

Why did we adopt internationally when there are so many kids locally that want/need families?

And any others that might help you...even if it isn't necessarily adoption related.  

Ours is a story of faith and listening to God in a big way.  And really about Him talking to us and allowing us to be a part of a bigger story than we could have written for ourselves.  What God is asking you may be different.  I want to help you find out what that is if I can. 

Whole New Level of Crazy

(written yesterday)  Wow!  So many things have gone crazy since I wrote last.  We knew we were moving obviously.  But we moved out a little faster than planned.  Like in about 30 hours.  Psycho.  Moving is supposed to be one of the biggest stressors.  Moving 9 humans in that short amount of time.... I might have needed to be committed.  Don't ask my family.  While people were packing my house for me, another crew was at the new house, furiously peeling wallpaper and painting.  I hope to never move again!  But little by little, it is starting to feel like we are supposed to live there and not just squatting. :)  Between that and snow days, today seems like a very strange Monday.  But it's Thursday which means one of my kids needs to be at PT today...I digress.  I'll be honest, I thought I was going to be Superwoman with this move and crazy life combination.  But after I hit my car on 2 different things....my husband's truck and our new garage....I realized I need to slow down and am not exactly sure how.

Today is feeling much more normal.  People are all at school.  Laney is playing at the McDonald's playplace while I use WiFi because we still don't have it, and dinner is thawing at home.  I think we just might make it!  And while I'd like to be sitting in this chair reading a book every day, maybe someday...

(Ignore the mauve shade; it will be exiting:)

Back to Normal

Whatever that is! We had a great time in New York!  A crazy whirlwind trip....we got up at 3:30am on Tuesday morning to fly out at 6. We got to start playing in New York around 11 and took the subway to Times Square.  The kids knew all about the Twin Towers for some reason so they were very interested in that.  Much of New York that we all know from movies, history, etc. is completely foreign to them though.  New York pizza in an old church, Toys R Us with a ferris wheel inside, stores full of M&M's and Hershey's chocolate filled our day.  We were tired early!

We got up Wednesday and had to get 9 people ready to be on t.v!  I don't think we even knew enough to be too nervous.  None of us had ever done anything like this before.  The Fox thing doesn't count; Scott and I were alone in a room with a cameraman and a camera with people talking in our ear.  Truly the hardest "speaking engagement" I've ever done!  I knew when that was over that anything was going to be easier than that!

We got to The View and got taken to a dressing room with 'The Sterling Family' on the door.  Kris Jenner was sitting across the hall in her dressing room and Hunter Haye's band was wandering around. I'm not really one to get starstruck but it was definitely interesting to run into people like that in the hall!  Very surreal.  The producers showed us the set to explain how things would go that day, did some of our hair and makeup and we waited.  We actually had a ton of fun!  And I need to just say that Procter & Gamble and Avila were both fabulous!  They were both extremely genuine and interested in our story.  The President of Avila had read much of this silly blog and was invested in our story.  We feel extremely blessed that The View's producers went to great lengths to not only surprise us at all, but to research the best school to meet our needs.

We flew home Wednesday and couldn't believe it was back to school for Thursday.  Fast trip!  The kids enjoyed themselves but kept saying 'I love Missouri'.  Which is good.  They've seen cities in Peru and in New York and are starting to form an opinion about what feels like home. :)  Many of them felt famous at school Thursday, one specifically with the ladies. :)  

One of the nights this week as we were getting back into the groove of normal, we had interesting dinner conversation.   Food was cleared away and 4 of the Peruvians stayed at the table talking.  We learned things about their childhood, their family, their memories that we had never heard before.  It was awesome for many reasons.  1. They felt comfortable to share and 2. There is so much more to their past than we realized.  It's amazing how much we are going to learn over the years, I think. There's so much there to unfold. Fun and scary all at once.  Our kids have been through a lot for their ages!  Have had to make hard decisions for themselves. And are tough, amazing kids because of it!